Monday, March 28, 2011

An Open Letter to Colin Andrew Firth...

Dear Mr. Firth,
        May I call you Colin? Good. You may call me “Melinda”, in your British accent it will sound delightful. (I tried to get Google translator to say it with a British accent but I was not successful. FAIL Google, major fail). After some time it may become quite annoying for you to continue addressing me by my full name since nobody calls me Melinda except for telemarketers and nuns, so let’s come up with an endearing nickname for me shortly. Now, where to begin… Ah, yes. I love you! I’ve been thinking it over and I’ve come to the simple conclusion that I do actually love a stranger I’ve never met and that stranger is you (good luck trying to tell my heart you’re a stranger- ha!). I’m not exactly sure when all these feelings started- it seems like you’ve been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I guess I first noticed you in “Circle of Friends” but you were not a very nice character, shame-shame, and your facial hair was confusing.

Indeed, I worried for your future had you continued accepting roles of that nature. However, you quickly stole my heart in your portrayal of one of my all time favorite characters. Of course I am referring to your performance as Mr. Darcy in the miniseries adaptation of “Pride and Prejudice”.

Be Still My Heart...

I saw the television event back when it first aired and I have since owned it on VHS and now DVD. It is watched in completion a minimum of 3 times a year (at least twice between Christmas and New Years- Happy Holidays!). The best part about the movie is your devilish little grin- let’s take a moment to soak that in.

There was one part of the film that concerned me and I’d like to address that now. For the past 15 years I’ve wondered about this…

First of all- you’re adorable. Second, can I borrow those boots? Third, so… Mr. Darcy arrives back at Pemberley and instead of greeting the household or getting his tired horse some food, he decides to dive in the lake just sitting in front of his house?!?! WHAT WHAT WHAT were you doing???

I mean, I know Darcy had a long ride from the city (ps- pretty horse!) but he had a gorgeous mansion with MAN SERVANTS waiting to make him a hot, clean bubble bath about 50 yards away. Instead you chose another option- you dove into some natural watering dish with algae floating on top, FULLY CLOTHED (always so modest), and opened your eyes under water without goggles (guess who though of the perfect Xmas gift for you!). Let me remind you that not 3 minutes later you tell Elizabeth’s uncle about all the great fishing you do there. WHY would you dive into a murky puddle filled with animals you later plan to eat and the remains of the dirty bait you used to catch them??? The only good thing to come of that horrible decision was this photo…

Work It

Look, this is a lot to take in. No need to feel defensive, I just wanted to point out the horrors I face every time I watch that scene. I think I will stop here for now, but have no fear- there will be more letters in your future. We’re only up to 1996 in your career and don’t even get me started about this year’s Oscars!!

Don't frown- you can sneak back to the pond later

Looking forward to our future correspondences!
Your loving friend and admirer,


  1. I love him too and everyone thinks I'm so weird for it! I can not watch P&P without watching both discs. It has to be all at once and it drives me mad when I have to do silly things like take care of my children or answer my husbands questions while Mr. Darcy is on screen. ;) I loved him in Love Actually and I'm sad that I still have yet to see him in The Kings Speech. Glad someone else shares my twisted love affair with a complete stranger.

  2. I think there are more Colin fans out there Pamela, I just don't think everyone is as open with their love as we are :) King's Speech was excellent- get it on DVD when it's out!