It sucks big time. There’s really no way of sugar coating it. It just sucks. I wish more people understood that.
It’s a silent journey between spouses. Most people don’t have a clue what is going on—or realize how incredibly difficult it is. Every month you hope and pray. And every month you have to deal with the crushing disappointment.
It’s exhausting. It’s painful. It’s embarrassing.
My husband and I are approaching our 3rd wedding anniversary in a few weeks. If you had asked me three years ago where we would be I had this perfect image of our life in a cute little house with an adorable toddler running in the yard. Maybe there’d be another on the way and a dog wagging its tail. We have part of the picture. We finally found our home and we do have two crazy puppies running in the yard. But it’s missing something. Something so huge that it leaves tears burning behind my eyes and my heart so full of pain….
Yet I continue about my life with a smile on my face. My husband and I hold hands and share a special glance. I take the deep breath to hold back the tears as I celebrate a friend’s wonderful announcement of a new pregnancy. I put on a brave face when another clueless person asks when we’re going to get started with that family already…
I feel alone yet I know I’m not. I know there are so many women who deal with this every day, many longer than I have. I wish I knew who they were. I wish I could run to their office when something just sets me off. I wish I could call them when I get the bad news that this cycle is a bust for my treatment plan.
It’s made me realize that we really have no idea what is going on in a person’s life. Remember that when you are dealing with someone who’s being bitchy or annoying. You never know what they may be dealing with that day.
Why am I sharing this? I don’t know. I’ve struggled with sharing a lot of this for a long time now. But, it hasn’t done me much good keeping it inside. Maybe if more people knew how painful it was they wouldn’t treat it so carelessly.
It just sucks.